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Grief and Loss

On Behalf of | Dec 20, 2019 | Firm News

So many times in our lives we experience many forms of loss which then can often become some form of grief: moving away from home, children growing up and leaving home, loss of a job, loss of friendships, the death of a loved one, loss of what was and never will be again

All of these losses cause grief and death is one of the most difficult losses in our lives. We grieve what we once had. We grieve the loss of someone important in our life and wonder how we can move forward without them. Life will never be the same, changed forever. Grief is one of the most intense emotions.

Grieving is healthy, it is not selfish or self-centered. Feelings of sadness are ok. There is no time-frame for grieving. There is no time-frame for when the closets need to be cleaned out, or when to ‘move on.’

We are all unique individuals who grieve in our own unique way. What works for Mary down the street after her husband died, will probably not work for you. There is no right or wrong way to live without that person or to grieve.

Give yourself permission to feel and hurt. Some people find themselves feeling angry and then they feel guilty for feeling angry. Anger is also an emotion. Sometimes there are things that were left unsaid and need to be resolved before being able to properly grieve. One way to accomplish that is to write that person a letter. Put all your feelings of hurt, anger and sadness down on paper emptying yourself of all those emotions. Then tear those pieces of paper up and burn them. Envision all your feelings of anger, hurt and sadness being released from you. Forgive that person and yourself for all the things that went unsaid or unfinished and know that once you can forgive them and yourself, then you can start to grieve the death.

Tears are such a precious gift. Crying is a natural response to deep pain and loss and a release of so many emotions. Don’t ever feel embarrassed by your tears, as it is all part of the healing process.

‘Someone once said that when grief picks us up it never puts us down in the same spot. We move. We change. We are all that we were before, plus the experience which has hurt us, plus the new individual who emerges to cope, and to move on. And so, our neat and predictable lives become our past, and our present is always expanding in new directions… one of the most important tasks of grief is the re-organization and re-identification of self. What have I lost and Who Am I Now?’ (author unknown)

So, there is no right or wrong way to grieve and there is no time-frame to grieving. Be patient and gentle with yourself.

You can always reach out to a Grief Support Group. There is one that meets in Park Rapids at the St. Joseph Hospital the 1st Thursday of each month from 2-3:30 PM.